I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize