Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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