He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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