i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize