this beer tastes like vomit already
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
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He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
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So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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