Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize