You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize