from now on my penis is your penis
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize