Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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