I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize