Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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