I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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