Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize