mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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