I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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