I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
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Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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