whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize