I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
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Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
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If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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