im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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