Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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