hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
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Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
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No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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