If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize