But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I need to stop coming to work sober
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
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my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
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Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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