I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize