So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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