we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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