I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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