i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
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it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
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I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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