P.S. I can't hear my feet
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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