So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He kissed a someone with a penis
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
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There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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