why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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