So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize