Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
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Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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