We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
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She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
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You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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