At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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