Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize