Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I want to fling myself into the sun
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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