A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
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we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
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What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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