a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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