so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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