Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize