i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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