my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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