Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
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Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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