We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize