I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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