girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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