Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize