Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
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She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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