I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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